Marriage. One word. So much meaning packed into that one medium-sized word.

I've not been married for a great length of time, by any means. One year and three months. Not really long enough to be an expert on anything, but I'm learning. Learning what it means to belong to someone. To be vulnerable; to not hold back. To give. To share. To sacrifice. To devote my life to someone. To serve. To LOVE.

Marriage to Chris has given me a new perception of God and what it means to be His bride. I marvel over the love that Chris shows me every single day. His kindness to me. His thoughtfulness. How he provides so well for us, his little family. How easily and quickly he forgives and forgets my ugliness. How he never pressures me to "perform". Ever. His faithfulness. How he comforts me and holds me close to his heart when I cry. How I feel refreshed and ready to face life again after spending time with him. How he always encourages and lifts me up. How he wakes up with me when I drag this eight months pregnant self to the restroom several times a night, and tucks me back in among my pillows. NEVER complaining. How he makes me feel beautiful and cherished, when I am aware there is nothing appealing about these swollen ankles and my newly acquired double chin. I could go on. For forever. About the tenderness and love he shows me, day after day.

What do I do in return? How do I show him what he means to me? How do I show my gratefulness for this unconditional love?

I give myself to him. All of me. I am fully aware of my inability to express all that he means to me. So I build my life around him. I learn to love the things that he loves. Because he demands it of me? No, never! Because I love him. So much that my heart hurts and can't hold it all.

He is my sun and my little world revolves around him.

"Where he goes, I will go;
And where he lodges, I will lodge;
His people, will be my people,
And His God, my God.
Where he dies, I will die,
And there I will be buried.
The Lord do so to me, and more also,
if anything but death parts you and me."
(Ruth 1:16-17)

Please, don't misunderstand me. He's not perfect. I'm not even close to perfect. Life in this household doesn't always run smoothly. There are times when we don't see the world through the same lenses. Times when, in frustration, we say things we regret. Times when we hurt one another.

But, I am his, and he is mine. And, never, not for a minute, do I doubt him or his love for me. Never, not for a minute, do I regret this marriage. This commitment. The vows we made to each other... to love, honor, and cherish... till death parts us.

This marriage, this relationship, has opened my eyes to a side of God I haven't fully understood. How He loves me, His bride. How tenderly He watches over me. How His heart has only my best in mind. How yearns to have me notice and appreciate His care and provision. His desire for my devotion in return. How I hurt him when I choose "others" or "things" above Him. Or worry about things I have no control over, rather than trust Him who holds the whole world in His hands...

It breaks my heart to think of the ways I failed. Failed to choose my "groom" after His faithfulness to me...

But, I find great comfort and joy in knowing that He will never leave me or forsake me. That He will always take me back into His loving care. That I can trust Him with my life and the lives of the ones I love.

 

 

Because God is good. All the time. 

 

And that is what has been on my mind the last several weeks, and the end of my ramblings for today. :)                                             

-Maac